When planning to attend a meeting where you know few people do you (a) break out in hives at the thought of being in the room with strangers; (b) view it as an opportunity to work your personal agenda; so you determine who’ll be in attendance and develop a plan for working the room; or (c) view the meeting as an opportunity to meet some interesting people and show up intellectually curious and ready to make new acquaintances?

People in (a) will likely view the meeting as an onerous, burdensome event where they’ll feel alone while in the midst of a sea of people. People in (b) will likely have an adrenaline rush planning their strategy and tactics to meet as many people as possible. People in (c) will likely embrace the meeting as an exciting adventure and the opportunity to expand their network of valued relationships.

Professional networking is the process of initiating connections with others. Its ultimate objective is not simple information acquisition but rather to turning initial connections into mutually valuable relationships.

Key benefits of embracing the opportunity to develop mutually valued relationships include:

• Familiarity: You’re no longer a stranger; you’ve connected with others.

• Commonality: You’ve found things in common with others.

• Sharing: You’ve offered perspectives and insights to others.

• Visibility: More people know who you are.

• Self Confidence: You’re more confident reaching out to and engaging you don’t yet know.

• Reciprocity: You’ve actively engaged in and contributed to conversations with others.

• Collegiality: You’ve begun to build a network of valued colleagues.

It’s a normal human emotion to want to favorably impress friends, colleagues and new acquaintances, however, it’s easier to impress once a genuine connection has been made. But when impressing others is the principal objective then developing a mutually beneficial relationship becomes secondary and the value of the relationship is marginalized.

Key obstacles to networking and relationship development include:

• Being controlling: Attempting to work an agenda.

• Being manipulative: Being single-minded in pursuing your interests.

• Being superficial: Being distant and not engaged in conversation.

• Being argumentative: Being overly opinionated and stubborn in conversation.

• Being unwilling to learn new things: Being disinterested and not intellectually curious.

Key attributes for successful networking and relationship development include:

• Taking a risk: Continually attempting to connect others.

• Being authentic: Being present and engaged.

• Actively listening: Listening with empathy and to understand.

• Allowing yourself to be influenced by what you hear.

• Being engaged: Actively listening and participating in conversation with others.

So, don’t fear the networking process; embrace it. Don’t try so hard. Just be authentically present when meeting others and let your intellectual curiosity for experiencing and learning from others wash over you - enjoy the ride and the new relationships you’ll form.

If you’re open to connecting with others and making your best effort to do so, you’re a winner. The reality is that you won’t connect with everyone, but those you do connect with can become mutually valuable relationships. What’s important is the willingness to put yourself out there and engage others by listening to, sharing with and learning from them.

At the end of a meeting would you rather have collected 30+ new business cards or have genuinely connected with 5-10 people who enjoyed meeting you and are interested in keeping in touch with you? It’s not the number of people you meet that’s important; it’s the quality of the relationships that you form.

Networking and relationship development are coachable skills. Honing these skills can be invaluable to you both personally and professionally.

The Corbett Group provides coaching support to help individuals enhance their relationship development and management skills.

Bob Corbett